Playing drums in a small room
Use the room sound to decide how much drum and cymbal the song needs.
In a small room, the drums you hear at the throne may be quite different from the balance people hear near the singer. A monitor mix cannot settle that question. Ask someone in the audience area to listen while the band plays a normal section of the song.
Name the sound that is too much
Ask a specific question: is the hi-hat hiding the words, does the snare dominate each backbeat, or does the kick keep ringing over the bass? A report that "the drums are loud" is a starting point, but it does not identify the change to try.
If the hi-hat is the problem, repeat the same passage with it more closed and played more gently. If the snare is the problem, reduce that stroke while keeping the pulse clear. Change one thing and ask again.
Try a different texture
A cross-stick, ride quarters or brushes may fit a quiet arrangement, but each produces a different part and sound. Practice the choice before the service rather than switching tools for the first time during a song. Rods and brushes still need a balance check; their names do not guarantee the right volume.
For a comparison, play four bars with your normal backbeat and four with a cross-stick on 2 and 4, keeping the kick and timekeeping pattern unchanged. Listen for timing and whether the quieter snare sound can still be heard.
Check reinforcement as well as playing
If the kit is amplified, ask the engineer to hear the acoustic kit and the reinforced mix as part of the check. A quieter part can still be too loud through the speakers. Shields, microphones and treatment need their own assessment; do not assume a shield has solved the balance because the kit sounds different behind it.